Darkness Rises & Light To Meet It
by KyloRing
Summary: The events of both The Force Awakens and The Last Jedi from Kylo Ren's perspective. Say Something is the last part concerning TLJ everything after that point is from my own imagination and speculation moving forward. Note: I've never written FanFic before and I'm trying something new! Also obvious SPOILER warning for this story. This story is uodated on Wattpad first!
1. Kill It If You Have To

_"You have compassion for her."_

Snoke's words echoed in the darkness of his mind. The Supreme Leader has sensed something within himself that he did not dare consider.

Compassion was something the weak minded Ben Solo had and he, Kylo Ren, had destroyed Ben Solo. Broken him down, killed him with the cruelest stroke. If he was to gain power he had to erase the past.

To become one with the Dark side he had to eradicate Ben Solo from the universe. Snoke has seen this. Snoke had ordered him to kill the legendary Han Solo. The man that had abandoned Ben Solo and his mother. Left him to comfort his mother who in turn sent him away. She had been to busy in the senate rebuilding what had been destroyed. The New Republic was more important than family. They had both failed him. Left him alone with Luke Skywalker. The anger was building within him and it made him feel...empty.

Flashbacks of the moment his father had called out to him on Starkiller Base had haunted his mind.

 _"Ben!"_

 _The voice of his father stopped him in his tracks and he turned slowly around to face him. No one had called him Ben in years and it angered him._

 _"Take off that mask, you don't need it!"_

 _Kylo Ren let the anger boil upwards within him, he would need it for what was to come._

 _"What do you think you'll see if I do?" The mask changed his voice making it sound mechanical and sinister._

 _"The face of my son." Han's voice wavered. Ren had not seen his father in years. Not since he left._

 _Slowly, Kylo lifted the mask away revealing his now grown features to his father. Han looked startled to see him. They boyish features he had seen last were replaced with those of a grown man. No longer the innocent child he had abandoned long ago._

 _"Your son is gone. He was weak and foolish like his father. So I destroyed him." Ren struggled to maintain a flat tone. This confrontation was going to be harder than he expected. In fact he'd hoped to never see hi-Ben's father again. Snoke had insisted that killing Han Solo was essential to his training and gaining power through the Dark side._

 _"That's what Snoke wants you to believe." Han cautiously closed the gap between them._

 _Kylo didn't move. With every step Han took he felt something pull at him._

 _"But it's not true." Han continued, "My son is alive."_

 _It pulled at him again, harder this time. "No. The supreme leader is wise." A response but also a reassurance to himself._

 _"Snoke is using you for your power. When he gets what he wants he will crush you."_

 _The look Han was giving him cut him to the bone._

 _"You know it's true." Three more steps and Han had closed the gap between them fully. Another pull, stronger this time. Silence was all that stood between them until finally words escaped his lips._

 _"It's too late." Broken. He could no longer restrain himself. All he had ever wanted was for his father to come back to him and here he was trying to pull him back with him. An impossible task. Nothing could change that now. Even if he did go with him._

 _"No it's not. Leave here with me come home. We miss you."_

 _The battlefield that was Ben Solo's mind pulled him back and forth. Could he really go home? Was there actually something for him there?_

 _"I am being torn apart."_

 _No. Things had gone too far this time. Even if he wanted to he couldn't. Only one of them could walk away from this bridge. There were dire consequences if they both walked away separate or together._

 _"I want to be free of this pain. I know what I have to do but I don't know if I have the strength to do it. Will you help me?" His voice cracked and tears fell from his face. Ben Solo was shattering to pieces in front of his father for the last time. He could not save his father or himself. They would both be doomed to the same fate._

 _"Yes, anything." Han was eager. Ben could tell what he was thinking. This wasn't going to go the way he thought._

 _Ben took his lightsaber from its clip and held it out to him looking into the eyes of his father. Time stood still. Ben took the image of his father and committed it to memory._

 _After was seemed like hours he took a breath and Ren ignited the lightsaber. It cut through Han Solo easily. The shock, confusion, and disappointment in Han's face broke him to his knees. As Han fell so did Kylo._

From that moment on he had become weaker than ever before. Kylo could feel it, surely Snoke could sense it, and now the issue still remained. The Scavenger girl. Rey. Plagued him as well. Something had connected them long ago. He had seen her in his dreams and then to see her in the flesh in the forest ignited something else within him.

He felt that pull again.


	2. Lost

Anger consumed every fiber of his being. The meeting with Snoke and General Hux had not gone well. The Supreme Leader had added insult to injury. Kylo Ren held his mask in front of him. Contemplating the design he hid behind for so long. With all of his rage he slammed the helmet into the elevator wall shattering the glass casing and cracking the mask.

Ren would not let weakness define him anymore. He would not hide behind a mask or aspire to be like Darth Vader any longer. He would cultivate his own reputation and become his own person. Master of his own story.

Glaring at the mask, his breathing heavy, he thrusted it into the wall again and again and again. Rage fueling the outburst. Shattering the inside of the elevator and the helmet into mere pieces.

The door opened revealing two officers who immediately stood at attention upon seeing Kylo Ren and the destruction around him.

"Prepare my ship!" He growled before storming off to the hanger.

The Resistance was failing, with the number of ships that were left Kylo estimated they had maybe four hundred left. That wasn't enough to take down the First Order. He focused on the main vessel. The Tie fighters behind him stayed in formation covering his back. Not that he needed it.

Moving in closer he saw a chance to deal damage to their hanger. With a few well aimed shots he could easily take out all of their X Wings. Taking the opening he spun avoiding incoming fire and steadied his fighter. Engaging his missiles he took the shot, flying out of the way before the hanger erupted into flames. Decimating what little of their fleet that had left.

That would keep them from fighting back. Speeding up he passed the window to their command center, circling back around he aimed his missiles once again.

Then.

Stopped.

Everything stood still. Something pulled at him again. This time it was different it was...

His mother. Leia. She was in that center of the ship and something reached out and connected them. Kylo's breathing slowed his thumb over the trigger that would end this. End the Resistance. End the fighting. End his mother.

His mother.

Ben swallowed hard as the memories flooded back. He didn't want to end her. He couldn't.

Relaxing his hand his thumb slipped off the button. Still connected to Leia he slowed his fighter and waited. What was it he sensed?

What was that feeling?

Suddenly he snapped out of the connection as two Tie Fighters swooped in and toon their shot. Eliminating all of the Resistance's leadership. Including his mother. Their connection severed never to reconnect.

Hux came through the intercom recalling all fighters including Ren.

Kylo let out a short infuriated yell and turned back. His blood boiling. She was not theirs to take, nor did he want to end her life. Now she was lost just as he was.


	3. Something Else

As the droid mended Kylo Ren's scar across his face he looked across the room deep in thought. Processing what had just occurred in the battle was proving difficult. He no longer sensed Leia and he was desperately trying to burry his weaker feelings so that they were not easily detected.

Something pulled him out of his deep concentration. Waving the droid away he looked slowly around the room trying to find the presence he felt. Did he hear something? Birds? That didn't make sense.

He paused listening, feeing the presence fully he turned his head and saw...Rey. Perplexed he stared at her disbelief in his eyes. How was this possible? Was he seeing things? Was this a test?

Everything was silent now. Their breaths synced as they looked into each others eyes. Well he looked, Rey's eyes were like daggers. She hated him. She has always hated him. And what had he done to her to warrant such a hate? The first time they met she had attacked him first, he had not made a move to harm her. Even when he brought her to the ship he had taken care not to harm her. He didn't see the point. The scavenger knew only the information from those in the Resistance who had filled her mind with their garbage. He could have killed her on Starkiller Base. He could have killed her in the Forrest. She hated him even more now after he had killed Han Solo, but she still only had one side of the story.

He saw her hand dart to the side and grab something. A blaster? No sooner did he have that thought did a bolt of light go straight through him. Ren jumped, startled by the sensation it left. He looked down where it had passed and then back at her. She seemed just as shocked but her eyes were still filled with anger and hate.

Rey swiftly jumped up and ran out through the corridor. Kylo Ren jumped to attention and examined where she had been then felt the urge to follow her. He ran out of the chamber and slide across the hallway when he saw her yet again. They both stopped and examined one another yet again.

Without hesitation Kylo lifted his hand out and summoned the force. "You will bring Luke Skywalker to me." Nothing. He felt no power and she did not waiver. His hand lowered. "You're not doing this. The effort would kill you." A feat like this was beyond either of their powers or needs. Why kill herself? "Can you see my surroundings?" He was genuinely curious. Nothing he had ever read or studied mentioned something like this. But what exactly was this?

"You're going to pay for what you did!"

She didn't answer his question but he didn't care. For now he just wanted to know what was happening. He looked at her closely taking her in.

"I can't see yours." Kylo met her eyes his voice lowered into a tone he rarely used, "Just you."

Rey didn't have a response for him this time. She breathed in deeply and her eyes flickered.

"No, this is something else." Ren concluded, his tone softer than before. He had felt a pull for a long time, but ever since he had interrogated her and reached into her mind and when she reached back... Was this a consequence of that?

A crash echoed through the hall and he watched Rey closely as she looked behind her then back at him her expression never changing.

"Luke." Ren's tone hardened a little.

"What's that about?" Lukes voice now echoed back at him. But he had not heard Kylo that he was sure of.

Rey looked behind her once more, presumably at the Jedi Master, then back at Kylo Ren. What would she do? Her expression changed this time to one of decision making. Then...

She was gone.


	4. Monster

Kylo Ren looked through the glass observation window, not actually paying attention to the goings on of the personnel. This was one of the best places to have uninterrupted silence. People rarely came up here and so he visited it frequently. The stronger connection with Rey had given him new reasons to visit.

Before he had seen Rey on Takodana, before he had heard of this scavenger he had been plagued with visions in the night. Water. An island. Emptiness. A blurred image of a girl. Screams. It plagued him in the evenings leading up to their meeting.

A girl had helped the droid escape with the information leading to Luke Skywalker. A girl was seen on the Falcon. A girl was running away on Takodana...

And when he laid eyes on her. She wasn't just any girl she was THE girl. The one that plagued his mind for so long. He knew from the moment he saw her that it was her and that something was different...special about her. Something had already connected them. When he had questioned her that same something compelled him to loosen the restraints, to remove his mask, to search her mind for more than the map.

This Scavenger had had similar visions during her restless nights. An ocean. Feelings of emptiness and abandonment. Fear. And...an Island? No the same island he had also seen. When she had pushed back his defenses crumbled and he had shoved her out before she could get any deeper.

Perhaps this strong force bond they had was born that day. But why? Why was this happening. Would it happen again? Does Snoke sense it too?

That last thought unsettled Ren greatly. He had not reported this new experience to the Supreme Leader. No one knew about them. Just Rey.

He closed his eyes to clear his mind of the uncomfortable reeling thoughts that clouded it. Listening to the muffled mechanical noises from the workforce below him. Ren let his mind drift and found himself imagining an ocean, waves crashing on the shore of his isolated island. A force from within pulled at him yet again. The waves rolled and crashed this time louder than before. Was he actually hearing them? Kylo turned slowly catching Rey out of the corner of his eye.

Silence.

She seemed baffled to see him again, but this time the confusion was short lived as loathing took over. Kylo didn't look at her with anything but a studying gaze. He didn't need to intimidate her.

"Why is the force connecting us?" Ren kept his voice calm hoping to gain a conversation from her instead of hateful retorts. He looked her over. She was soaking wet. "You and I."

"Murderous snake!" Rey seethed eyes glaring.

Here we go again...

Apparently, she was incapable of trying to figure out what what happening and was only focused on screaming insults at him.

"You're too late. You lost. I found Skywalker."

"Did he tell you what happened?" Ren spoke in his normal voice now, a voice not many heard. He knew Luke wouldn't dare tell the Scavenger what actually transpired that night. "The night I destroyed the temple. Did he tell you why?"

"I know everything I need to know about you!"

He was tempted to roll his eyes, but she would find out soon enough what really transpired that night. Women always found out the truth.

"You do?" Ren questioned her softly then let out a low muttered sigh, "You do. You have that look in your eyes. From the forest. When you called me a monster."

At this Rey cut him a look that could certainly kill anyone between them. With a growl she snapped back with certainty. "You are a monster!"

Kylo Ren closes the imagined gap between him and her projection and looked down at her. Emotion swirling within him. That he already knew. He had done many an unforgivable act. One of which she had witnessed. But she still did not know everything about him. She chose to blind herself to it.

"Yes I am."


	5. What I Know To Be True

Ren removed the layers of black fabric from his upper body. There was no day or night in the emptiness of space but he needed to refresh himself after the last encounter with the scavenger Rey.

As he removed the last layer he felt briefly like his old self. Ren looked at the wall in front of him and closed his eyes and breathed. He needed anger. Anger lead to hate and hate lead to the dark side. That would snuff out the pull to the other side. The longer his eyes were closed the clearer the image of his father came into view and then the look on his face as the saber sliced through him. He opened his eyes and as he did there was that pull again.

"I'd rather not do this now." Rey's annoyed voice came from behind him. Their force connection must be getting stronger with each visit. It had not been that long since their last connection.

Ben sighed deeply, "Yeah me too." This connection could not have come at a more inconvenient time. He needed to be alone.

"Why did you hate your father?" Rey's voice cut out at the end trying to mask the pain that was surely welling up inside her.

Ben turned around and looked at her, face blank. She finished turning at the same time taking one good look at him before turning around and covering her eyes. "Do you have something? A towel...or...or something you can put on?"

He was not naked but by her reaction you would think as much. Ben just stood there waiting for her to continue. He was not going through the process of redressing to save her innocent eyes from his bare chest.

Turning to face him yet again she sighed heavily, obviously his none response to her request vexed her greatly. Something inside him liked that. She was obviously flustered. "Why did you hate your father?" She repeated the question and he gave no response. He was not going to talk about his father.

"Give me an honest answer!" At this hot tears started to well in her eyes.

Still no response. He just stared at her waiting for her to vent her frustration.

"You had a father who loved you! Who gave a damn about you!"

There it was. The tears that had been resting in her eyes stumbled down her face. Tracing misshapen lines to her chin.

"I didn't hate him." He said quickly. Ben never hated his father. Despite feelings of abandonment from his youth. He never hated Han he only hated that he was never around.

"Then why-" She could not finish choking on her tears. Ben took five slow steps towards her.

"Why what?"

Rey did not respond. She knew what she wanted to say but she could not get the words out through the pain.

"Why what? Say it."

"Why did you-" Gasping she struggled to get control of herself. "Why did you kill him? I don't understand." Her voice broke as the words finally poured out of her.

"No? Your parents threw you away like garbage." She would not understand his motives then he would make her understand with a truth they both knew. He had seen it in her mind.

"They didn't!" She was still crying but a hint of anger came with this comment. Or was it merely self assurance?

"They did." Ben took two more steps never taking his eyes off of her. "But you can't stop needing them. It's your greatest weakness. Looking for them everywhere. In Han Solo. Now in Luke Skywalker." He paused but she did not deny any of it, at least not aloud. "Did he tell you what happened that night?"

"Yes."

She was seething again.

Luke would never be completely honest about that night. It cast too dark a light on the last Jedi's image. "No. He had sensed my powers. As he senses yours and he feared it." Ben told her everything. How he had trained with Luke, looked up to him, only to wake with his green lightsaber over his face while he slept! His uncle was going to murder him while he was defenseless and for what? For being strong with the force? For excelling in his training? Ben had strictly acted out of self defense and this action had left him no choice but to leave.

"Liar..." If she had tried harder he suspected she might have convinced a fly that he was a liar. He would never lie to her. Not to her.

Two more steps and he could almost touch her. Ren did not take kindly to being called dishonest, especially by her. "Let the past die." His eyes locked into hers, he could feel her emotion within himself and his eyes started to water but he kept them in. "Kill it if you have to. That's the only way to become what you're meant to be."

Then. The pull was gone and she vanished leaving him with his thoughts.


	6. Connection

Not long after their less than convenient encounter earlier did they connect again. He had been listening to her talk for hours. Something about this connection seemed deeper than the ones before it.

He could feel every emotion and every intent she had. It swallowed him whole and he found himself not wanting her to stop. Not wanting her to leave. Loneliness was all he had known the past years. Emptiness. Rey had known years of loneliness as well, after her abandonment on Jakku.

Ben Solo had never felt this deeply before and it scared him. He was supposed to be dead. Snuffed out of existence like the weakness he was, but with every encounter with Rey he broke more. The pull to the other side was growing and it felt like compassion.

No. This had to stop. This could never go anywhere. Compassion had no room within him. It was weakness and it ended in tragedy.

Ren wrestled with himself as Rey continued to tell her tale. Her voice snapped him out of his internal fight between Ben and Kylo Ren.

"I thought I'd find answers here, on this island, I was wrong." She looked up at him tears streaming down her face, she was completely broken and he felt for her. So much so that tears began to fall down his own cheeks as well, but he didn't care. "I have never felt so alone."

The way that she spoke, felt, looked at him made him want to gather her up and hold her. He would not do that, instead he finally spoke. "You're not alone."

Ben did not recognize the voice that came when he spoke. It was full of emotion. Compassion. They shared each other's thoughts and feelings in this moment. Intimacy in its highest form.

"Neither are you." The tears stopped as Rey looked deeper into his eyes, hers flickering with the light of the fire. "It isn't too late."

Those last four words were shattering. How could she say that? Believe that? But she did, he sensed it. With every fiber in her she felt like there was light left in him. She no longer saw the monster. She saw him.

She saw Ben Solo.

Suddenly, he glanced down. Rey had extended her hand out to him. Ben looked back at her in disbelief. Where did she see that light in him? How did she know it was not too late to save him? If he could even still be saved.

She just waited. Hand open hovering over the fire. Breathing deeply he removed his right glove and slowly extended his hand to meet hers. He knew he could not touch her, they were projections but something pulled his hand forward.

Rey's hand was so delicate compared to his monstrous hand. It would swallow hers up.

Closer.

Their fingers were almost touching, so close if it were possible. Taking another breath he tried to press the tips of his fingers to hers and was taken aback when they met each other.

Images flashed through his mind. Unclear but there. He could barely make out the images as they flew threw him and he wondered what they meant. One image he caught.

Rey. She was standing there...next to someone. Then the figure turned and it was... it was him! He and Rey stood side by side. Together.

He blinked and he saw Rey again, sitting in front of him. Wait in front of him? He could see her surroundings. Their surroundings. He was sitting in front of her on a rock beside the fire in the hut she was in. Before he could say anything Luke appeared screaming.

"Stop!" Fear. That's all Ben sensed from his former teacher. His uncle. His would be murderer.

Then everything vanished. The last thing he picked from Rey was anger towards Luke and... and her intent.

No. No. No.

The damn scavenger wanted to come to him! Give herself up. He stood quickly mind swirling. If Rey came to him. He would have to bring her to Snoke, like he wanted. The supreme leader would be cruel, he would kill her.

Fear swallowed him whole.


	7. Snoke

Tie fighters surrounded the tiny escape pod and escorted it into the hanger where he waited. Kylo Ren has been waiting for this moment since earlier that night. He had sensed her once the falcon appeared from lightspeed and left her at their mercy. No mercy. He knew that Snoke would have no mercy. Nothing Ren could say would spare her. The Supreme Leader did not want another apprentice, that would be one too many. She was doomed.

Her breathing was heavy and her heart raced. He felt her and she him. Ren stared at her as the capsule opened. This was the first time since Starkiller base that they were in the same place at the same time.

Ren could not show emotion in front of the Stormtroopers. He wanted to undo all of this. Whatever this was. Why did she have to think he was redeemable or even worth redemption? If she only thought he was a monster still she would not be here! He would not be in such an impossible situation and she would live to see another day.

The stormtroopers restrained her and handed her off to him. Ren closed the elevator door and stood just behind her. They would be in the throne room soon...

And he was hopeless.

"You don't have to do this." Rey's voice betrayed her fears but she looked at him with such certainty, such softness he could not bear it. Locking his eyes on the elevator doors he ignored her. Stilling his mind. "I feel the conflict in you. It's tearing you apart."

He continued to ignore her trying to hide his weakness before they reached their final destination. If Snoke sensed what he felt it would be the end of them both.

"Ben."

Did she just?

At that he broke his staring contest with the doors and looked down at her. She had said his name, his real name. The one he'd tried so long to erase. She had said it with such tenderness. Such compassion.

Compassion.

Unconditional love...

Weakness.

They were both weak. They were both about to stand in front of Supreme Leader Snoke and he would see it unless Ben figured out how to burry his feelings before those damned doors opened.

"When we touched hands I saw your future. Just the shape of it but solid and clear." As she spoke she stepped closer to him. So close he could feel her breath. "You will not bow before Snoke. You'll turn." Rey spoke even softer now, almost a whisper. "I'll help you. I saw it." Her eyes flickered to his lips before returning to his eyes.

"I saw something too. Because of what I saw I know when the moment comes you will be the one to turn." Her eyes flickered unsteadily from their certainty but she did not look away, he lowered his voice, "You'll stand with me. Rey..." Her name rolled off of his tongue, soft and sweet. Ben had never dared speak it out loud before. "I saw who your parents are." He had known Rey's parents identity for awhile but she knew. She just forced herself to forget.

The doors to the elevator opened, revealing a massive throne room. What would have been an impressive view of what was ahead of the ship was draped in a deep blood red backdrop. Central to the room was the throne, and in it Snoke. The creature was misshapen and bigger than anything Rey had seen. Draped in his usual yellow robe he chuckled maliciously.

"Well done my good and faithful apprentice. My faith in you is restored."

Kylo Ren kept Rey ahead of him and brought her just in front of the ledge of where the throne sat. As he kneeled, head bowed, he struggled to maintain clarity, but knew it was the only way to survive.

"Young Rey." Snoke watched Rey as a predator stalked their prey. Ready for the kill. "Welcome." He released her bonds.

Rey just stood there rubbing her wrists. Eyes fixed with resolve on the Supreme Leader. How did she do this? Did she really believe in him that much? He could not do anything! Did she not see this? Was she that blind! She had put him in an impossible scenario, after what? A handful of meetings and she expected him to...to save everyone!

Ren masked his frustration with indifference and kept himself focused on the events unfolding before him, his internal battle swelling.

"Come closer child."

The damned girl did not move. No words, no action. Was she trying to piss Snoke off even more?

An ancient chuckle filled the room, "So much strength. Darkness rises and light to meet it. I warned my young apprentice that as he grew stronger his equal in the light would rise." As he spoke the blue saber in Kylo's hand shook then flew to Snoke, he caught it and sat it beside him. "Skywalker I assumed, wrongly." The leaders eyes wandered onto Ren before fixing themselves on Rey with a sneer. "Closer I said."

Rey attempted to fight the Supreme Leader but he was stronger in the force and pulled her in front of him slowly.

He was toying with her. Playing with his prey. It made Ren sick to his stomach but he did not dare move.

"You underestimate Skywalker, and Ben Solo." Ren risked a glance at Rey. She had said his true name again and it pulled at him. "And me. It will be your downfall." Her voice cracked a little, nerves getting the best of her for a moment as Snoke brought her close enough to touch.

The Supreme Leader's crystal eyes widened, "Oh! Have you seen something? A weakness in my apprentice?" Snoke's voice raised and a small flicker of panic crossed his face. "Is that why you came?"

Kylo watched the exchange, internally screaming. Snoke had already sensed compassion within him before he saw it himself did the ancient being now know of their unusual bond?

"Young fool." Surprised laughter filled the chamber making Kylo's skin crawl. "It was I that bridged your minds."

With that Kylo lifted his gaze directly to Snoke's, whose own gaze was still directed at Rey. Ren did not believe what he was hearing.

"I sensed his conflicted soul and I knew he was not strong enough to hide it from you and you were not wise enough to resist the bait."

A fiery rage filled Kylo Ren towards the dark force user, but he did not move. He could not move. It was not time. Not yet. He had to force himself to remain submissive.

"And now you will give me Skywalker. Then I will kill you with the cruelest stroke."

"No." Rey growled.

"Yes." Snoke caressed her face before he lifted her up, using the force to hold her on her back in the air. "Give me everything."

Rey tried to fight as long as she could but the supreme leader was too powerful. Within seconds her blood curdling screams were all Kylo Ren heard.

Ren took his eyes away from her. He could not bear to watch and he could do nothing to stop it. With every new cry he felt a different piece of himself break.

Snoke has crossed the line.

He had manipulated Ben for the last time.

Mind made up and a plan in place, Ben just had to endure a little while longer.


	8. A New Alliance

It did not take long for Snoke to get the information he so desperately desired. Rey crashed down to the floor and rolled onto her side looking up at the monster in front of her.

Ren glowered at his 'master', he did not need to check in Rey he could sense that her pain had ceased.

A vicious chuckle echoed through the chamber. "Oh I did not expect Skywalker to be so wise! We will give him and the Jedi order the death he desires. After the rebels are gone we will go to his planet and obliterate the entire island."

Suddenly, Rey leapt to her feet and force pulled his grandfathers lightsaber to her. Snoke allowed the saber to fly almost into her grasp before redirecting it behind her. Arching the blade and pulling it back to his side, hitting her with the hilt as it flew by her.

"Such spunk. Look here now." The Supreme Leader force pulled her to the oculus and made her watch as the defenseless rebel transports were decimated one by one. "The entire Resistance on those transports. Soon they will all be gone." Snoke paused, a sneer crossing his lips. "For you all is lost."

Ren has never seen nor sensed such determination in someone before. He knew Rey was not going to give up without a fight. His saber lifted unexpectedly and flew across the room to Rey. She flipped the switch and ignited the lightsaber prepared to take on everyone in the room if she had to. The eight Praetorian guards that had originally paid little attention to the goings on in the room readied themselves to fight the girl, but Snoke waves them off.

"Still that fiery spit of hope. You have the spirit of a true Jedi!"

A ferocious growl came from Rey and she charged Snoke, anger flowing through her veins. With a giant leap she prepared to cut the supreme leader down. Snoke barely moved as he sent Rey crashing to the ground. The saber fell from her grip and slid across the ebony floor stopping in front of its master.

Kylo Ren looked at his weapon, but did not move to grab it. He lifted his gaze up to his Master.

Snoke's voice lowered, "And because of that you must die."

With the use of the force he manipulated Rey's body. Forcing her down to her knees, head pulled back. Rey let out an anguished cry as Snoke moved her to his apprentice.

"My worthy apprentice, son of darkness, heir a parent to Lord Vader. Where there was conflict I now sense resolve. Where there was weakness , strength. Complete your training and fulfill your destiny."

Kylo picked up the weapon he knew so well. The one he built for himself, trained with every day, used to defend himself, and inflict death and destruction and pointed it at Rey.

Rey was breathing heavily, "No."

He closed the gap between them and locked his eyes with hers.

"Ben."

"I know what I have to do." It was crucial he remained focused or this plan would not work. His intentions were set. He knew exactly what he had to do and now was the moment he had been waiting for.

"You think you can turn him? Pathetic child. I cannot be betrayed. I cannot be beaten. I see his mind. I see his every intent." The Supreme Leader raised his voice with every word.

Give me the strength to do this.

"Yes." Snoke closed his eyes continuing his monologue.

This was it. The chance Ren has been waiting for. Solidifying his thoughts he carefully moved his left hand, that was at his side, summoning the force.

"I see him turning the lightsaber to strike true."

The silver hilt of his grandfathers lightsaber moved slowly towards Snoke's torso.

"And now, foolish child, he ignited it and kills his true enemy!"

At this Ben activated the lightsaber, the blue beam ripped through the Supreme Leader. Rey, now released from his powers, fell to her knees and watched as the saber moved toward her slicing Snoke in half. She grabbed the weapon and slowly stood, not taking her eyes off of Ben Solo.

Breathing heavily, Ben looked at Rey sensing her simultaneous disbelief and relief at his actions. He knew they were not out of this quite yet.

Igniting his own saber he gave an indistinguishable grin before turning around and facing the eight Praetorian guards that had circled them upon Snoke's demise.

They stood together, back to back, and although their situation seemed bleak Ben no longer felt alone.

Praetorian guards circles the two force users. Ben knew this fight would be difficult. Unlike stormtroopers the Praetorian's armor was specially made to withstand their lightsabers. Circuits of electricity courses through the protective gear to deflect potential lightsaber blows. It left the wearer in constant pain but these guards were specially trained and it did not phase them.

They attacked Rey and Ben simultaneously, attempting to overwhelm them. Ben's saber bonded with a Praetorian sword for a moment. Rey jabbed at another enemy coming for Ben's opening thrusting her saber through him. She spun so that they were back to back yet again and engaged the remaining soldiers.

As the battle raged one Ben kept a constant feel for Rey. She had little to no combat training save for instances of self defense on Jakku. Suddenly, he felt her start to become unbalanced. She reached behind her grabbing him for support. Ben ducked to avoid an attack from a guard and let her fall back on him. With one swift motion he lifted himself, and Rey, back up to their feet.

They soon found themselves separated. Rey with two of the remaining guards while Ben had three to deal with. As he worked to keep them at a more defensible distance he heard Rey's vengeful yells as she fought. She had managed to kill one of her attackers and flung his weapon into the backdrop of the large chamber. Setting the giant curtain on fire.

Ben acted quickly and blocked not one but two attacks at one. His saber and the guards assortment of specialized weapons locking together. They pushed him back. Using all of his strength he lifted his saber, thrusting the other weapons over himself as he ducked beneath them. One of the guards staggered to the side while the other backed up and in front of Ben. Taking the opportunity Ben thrusted his blade into the guard. Holding it in place for good measure before throwing him to the side.

He lifted his lightsaber into an defensive stance sizing up the remaining two guards that had regained their balance and were circling him. He stole a glance at Rey, whose last opponent had disassembled his double blades staff into two swords. She fought hard but the guard managed to get through an opening and ripped open her shoulder.

Fear snuck through his defenses. Eyes glaring, he focused his rage on his opponents. The sooner he dealt with them the sooner he could help Rey. Then the fighting could end. They could end all of it.

Sensing an opening he attacked the guard just behind his right shoulder, then the one on his left.

Right.

Left.

Right.

Left.

Parry.

Attack.

His lightsaber embedded itself in the weak spot in the guard's armor around his throat. As he tried to pull it free the last Praetorian attacked ferociously causing him to retreat backwards. The guard got closer than comfort would allow and he was forced to grab hold of the spear, keeping the more dangerous end pointed towards the floor. With one fluid motion the guard suddenly had him locked from behind. The spears long shaft pushed hard against his throat, cutting off his air supply.

He gasped for air, using his hand he tried to keep as much pressure off of his throat as possible. Looking over at Rey he saw she Too was in a bind and dangerously close to losing. Fear pulled at him again. But there was nothing he could do. This was not going according to his plan.

If she had not have come this would not be happening!

Suddenly, Rey was free and her captor dead on the floor. "Ben!" She screamed his name as she force threw her saber to him.

Letting go of the spear with one hand, Ben reached out and grabbed it just in time. Igniting the blue lightsaber into the guards cranium.

He lowered the blade gasping for air. They had done it. He had done it. Killed the one that had manipulated and controlled him for years. They had defeated all of the guards. But now what?

She said something excitedly, but he did not hear her. He stared at Snoke's severed body and the throne thinking.

"Order then to stop firing! There's still time to save the fleet."

He felt her eyes on him. Heard the excitement and desperation in her voice. Hadn't both sides caused enough damage already? Why save any of it? Only to restart all over again in a few years? No. They needed a new plan. It all needed to end.

When he did not respond she lowered her voice, he sensed her excitement ebb away slowly.

"Ben?"

His mind was clouded. He had been forced to act rashly because of her sudden appearance. They had defeated everyone in the room but what would happen if they left? He could not go with her. That is why she came in the first place. To save him. To turn him. Even if he wanted to he could never go back. Rey might be able to forgive him but others in the galaxy would not she would be in danger. No. This needed to end. They needed to be on the same side. If he could get her to come with him they could rebuild the entire galaxy. Together. No jedi, no sith, no Resistance, no First Order. They could do it, but only together.

He turned and looked deep into her eyes. "It's time to let old things die. Snoke. Skywalker." He walked towards her slowly, "The Sith. The Jedi. The Rebels. Let it all die. Rey." Pausing he watched her expression change slowly, "I want you to join me. We can rule together and bring new order to the galaxy."

"Don't do this Ben, please don't go this way." Years began to stream down her face.

No. No. No!

Frustration and fear began to build within him. He needed her to see. See his vision. She was not understanding him. He needed her to do this.

"No. No. You're still holding on! Let go!" He screamed at her for the first time and immediately regretted it. Lowering his voice he continued. Desperation replacing frustration. "Do you want to know the truth about your parents? Or have you always known? And you've just hidden it away?"

Moving closer he did not dare take his eyes off hers.

"You know the truth. Say it." He sensed it. She knew. "Say it."

"They were nobody." Rey could barely speak through the tears and the heaviness in her chest.

"They were filthy junk traders that sold you off for drinking money. They're dead in a paupers grave in the Jakku dessert."

Rey caught her breath at this and swallowed hard. This truth was painful to her, he knew that, exposed weaknesses were always painful to confront.

"You have no place in this story. You come from nothing. You are nothing." He took one last step. He watched as she looked away sensing her feelings of loneliness and abandonment yet again. "But not to me." Those four words came out differently than the rest, all the frustration and desperation melted away into a genuine softness and caring.

She met his eyes once more as he extended his hand to her, just as they had before in her hut. "Join me."

She just stared at him.

He shifted his weight nervously and opened his hand more willing hers to meet it. They had a chance to be together. To be greater than anything that had come before them. If only she would join him she would see that. They would not be alone anymore. Not empty. No longer searching for belonging. He was desperate. Fearful. He was begging her to stay, to be free of the pain. Ben choking on emotion asked her once more, "Please?"

Rey reached out for his hand slowly. For a moment Ben thought she was accepting his proposal. Until she lifted the blue saber from his hand trying to pull it away.

Ren caught it with the force trying to will it back to him. Unlike on Starkiller base the lightsaber stalled between them like it could not decide who to go to. Ren or Rey.


	9. Say Something

"What happened?" Hux's glare was fierce as he watched Kylo Ren get up, Snoke's lifeless body mere feet away.

"The girl," He thought quickly, head still addled from being pushed by the pure force of the lightsaber breaking in two. "She killed Snoke." Getting to his feet he met Hux's gaze. "What happened?" Ren shifted Hux's attention to a more important matter, where the girl was, he did not need him thinking about how she managed to kill Snoke, all of the Praetorian guards, and himself alone with seemingly no training.

"She took Snoke's escape craft."

"We know where she's going. Get all of our forces down to that resistance base. Let's finish this." Ren made his way towards the elevator but stopped abruptly as Hux began to yell.

"Finish this? Who do you think you're talking to? You presume to command my army. Our Supreme Leader is dead! We have no ruler-" Hux was cut off as Kylo Ren force choke him.

His blood boiling and his temper dangerously close to its tipping point Ren growled back. "The Supreme Leader is dead?"

If he did not need the red headed weasel for his army he would be as dead as their former master and guards.

"Long live the Supreme Leader."

Luke Skywalker.

The Jedi Master still stood among the red mineral floor of the deserted planet, salt falling from the sky. He brushed it off of his shoulder eyes fixed on Kylo Ren.

Ren ordered the pilot to lower the ship to let him confront his would be murderer. When Hux began to contradict his orders he knocked him temporarily unconscious to which the pilot immediately obeyed the new Supreme Leader's command.

Luke was his only focus. Nothing else mattered to him. That man would pay for what he did. For forcing his hand. For his creation. For his betrayal. For the creation of the monster he resented.

As he left the ship and approached the Jedi he failed to hide all emotion from his face. Temper boiling over. "Did you come back to say you forgive me? So save my soul?" He seethed. Pure hatred was all he felt for Skywalker. Nothing he said or did could undo the damage he had caused. It was too late for that.

"No."

No one could save him. No one wanted to save him. Rolling his shoulders he let his cape drop to the ground initiating the beginning of the duel. With one fluid motion he took his stance and ignited the crackling red saber.

Luke waited for Kylo Ren, blue saber at the ready, he would not act first.

Ren could not wait any longer, temper over flowing, he charged at Luke attempting to strike him down as he passed. Nothing. The Master has effortlessly avoided his attack. He slide to a stop and faced him yet again.

A second attack was in order. Ren charged once again, fueled by hate, aiming for his opponent's head but Luke dodged this as well. Bending over backwards so that he just barely missed the sabers blow.

"I failed you Ben, I'm sorry."

There was that name again. Except this time Luke spoke it. What was this? He was apologizing? After everything he had done. After everything he had already been through with his mother and father and then Luke, his uncle, his hero, his role model. No amount of apologizing could make up for trying to kill your own nephew simply out of fear of a future that had not happened. That might not have happened if Luke had not meddled in what he did not know.

"I'm sure you are!" Ben yelled

, years of anger and fear in his voice. Ren continued hate taking over yet again, "The Resistance is dead. The war is over. And when I kill you I will have killed the last Jedi."

"Amazing. Every word of what you said was wrong. The rebellion is reborn today. The war is just beginning. And I will not be the last Jedi."

Ren swallowed hard at this. He could sense her now. Rey. She was here. He grabbed for the hate he had in the moments prior refusing to get drawn away.

"I'll destroy her and you and all of it." The rage that he had once had was fading and his tone betrayed him.

"No." Luke spoke softer now as he deactivated his lightsaber. "Strike me down in anger and I will always be with you. Just like your father."

Han...father...

At the mention of his father Ren felt another pull only this time it was painful. His fathers death haunted his every thought and Luke sensed it. Snoke has known from the moment he had talked to Ren. It had split his very soul in two. It was a weakness.

Kylo Ren, lightsaber sizzling, ran at Luke Skywalker blood boiling as he clinched to his hatred for the Jedi Master and felt a blow meant to slice him in half. Turning, he looked at his former master dumbfounded. Luke Skywalker stood there. Alive and untouched. Ren approaches him carefully a curious idea coming to his mind. Lifting his lightsaber he poked at Luke and stared.

Luke was not here. He was merely a projection. Ren glared at him. He could not kill his uncle even if he tried. By projecting himself halfway across the galaxy Luke had sentenced himself to death by his own hand.

"See ya around kid."

Gone. He was gone. He was dead. Gone. Screaming Kylo Ren looked back at the rebel base and sensed no one. They were all gone.

Gathering up his troopers they entreated the base in formation. Ren made his way to the control room, commanding the two Stormtroopers to wait at the door.

Slowly, he looked around taking it in. Something shiny on the ground caught his attention. Kneeling down he picked up the dice he had grown up playing with on the Falcon.

Han Solo's dice.

His father's dice.

Silence suddenly engulfed him and he felt a pull like so many times before. Ben knew that if he looked up he would see her. Rey.

He waited for the fiery insult. For her to call him a monster. To say how disappointed she was. How he was the monster she had envisioned him to be.

Say it.

Rey just stared at him with a look that was equal parts disappointment, anger, and...sorrow.

Say it!

Ben needed to hear her say it again. That he was nothing more than a monster. An irredeemable murdering bastard that was the cause of all her pain.

Say it! Damn you! Say something!

Nothing.

If time had passed he could not tell. It felt like they had been looking at each other forever.

Rey moved her hand, pressing something. A door closed in front of her. Cutting off their connection.

His heart pounded. Looking down he watched as his fathers dice faded away into nothing.

Alone.

He was alone again.

And he had everything and nothing all at once.


	10. A New Order

The weeks following the battle on the mineral planet Crait had consisted of rebuilding the First Order, just as the newly formed Rebellion was surely doing. This process had taken them to the edge of the outer rim. Rey and the rebels had fled to the outer rim, to where exactly Ren was unsure, but they needed to end this.

The First Order had officially taken over the galaxy but it was a fragile thing, order. Unrest was felt throughout the planets. Within governments adjusting to the new regime and within the First Order itself. Kylo Ren could sense that many of the leaders within the Order were uncertain of his leadership. Some were unsure about the tale of Snoke's demise but none voiced as much in Kylo Ren's presence but he sensed it nonetheless.

Kylo Ren stared into the emptiness of space as they descended out of lightspeed. The Outer Rim was the last charted region before you journeyed into the unknown wilds of space. This region was home to a few planets of which only some had any form of civilization.

Emptiness.

Loneliness.

The outer rim was used to such things. It harbored the lost and the lonely. The scoundrels and smugglers. The people and creatures of the world that were forever alone. The monsters.

He was a monster.

Suddenly, he felt the silence that only came with...her. He turned and saw the shape of her. Of Rey. She did not turn around and meet his gaze and he had nothing to say. What was there to say? She had abandoned him on the Supremacy. They had defeated Snoke and the guards and he had offered to rebuild the entire galaxy with her and she did not care. She could not see what he wanted. She had not let go of the old ways of the past. Now he was stuck where he had been before, for he could not rebuild without her.

Rey turned and met his gaze. She had that same look in her eyes. Not from the forest. No. From Crait. Pure disappointment.

That Ben could not stand. Life would be easier, more tolerable, if she would just tell him what he needed to hear.

That he was a monster.

A monster that was not worthy of redemption.

She needed to say it so he could become the monster he needed to be without her.

Her attention was pulled somewhere else and their connection had severed itself once again.

Alone.


	11. The Girl

"We need to find the girl and put an end to this once and for all!" General Hux spoke to the holograms of the other high ranking officials within the Order. "She murdered our former leader and is now rebuilding the Rebellion. We can not allow her to live if we are to maintain control over the galaxy."

The holograms nodded in unanimous agreement as Kylo Ren stood at the head of the table. "The girl is not our only problem. They have new leadership now and allies within the Outer Rim and sympathizers scattered throughout the galaxy." Everyone watch him, listening intently. "More is needed than to take out one girl. We need to destroy what they stand for, hope."

"And how do you propose we do that?" Hux retorted.

"Their leaders need to be taken down first. The girl will be their last hope and then when we crush her they will have nothing left to fight for." Something pulled at him. Deep within himself and the room began to fade into silence around him.

No one disagreed with the Supreme Leader. General Hux kept his personal thoughts on the matter to himself and instead offered a feasible plan. "To do this we must first find them, sir. I propose that we send out scout troopers to different planets and regions to acquire leads as to their whereabouts and act accordingly." Everyone nodded in agreement once more.

Kylo gave a stern nod of approval before leaving the command center.

Ren, finally in his chambers, looked at Rey. Eyes unmoving. Their breaths synced. Slow and deep. Hurt. Disappointment. Anger. Fear. Sadness. It engulfed them both. He waited for her usual insult.

"Ben?"

No. That's not me. I am the monster.

"That's not my name." He made no move towards her and spoke with a hint of anger.

Rey was taken aback the hurt flickering in her eyes. "Yes it is." She said stubbornly.

"No. He is gone." His lips curled. "You killed him."

Tears began to well up in her eyes but she did not say anything. She knew he was hurt she felt it. Maybe it was a mistake, talking to him, trying to soften him. Perhaps he was not savable? No. There was still a glimmer of light in him, she sensed it, it was just beginning to go out.

"No one is ever really gone." Leia had quoted Luke's words to her on the falcon in an attempt to comfort her and maybe Ben needed to hear them.

Kylo Ren stared at her in silence. How could she do this? How could she be so stubborn? So hopeful? Would she never say it? Evil monster. If she did perhaps the light within would finally die and he would be free of his pain.

She looked over her shoulder at someone calling her away and then... silence. His large chamber felt cold and empty again. Ren wipes his face and looked down at his hand, his face contorted in disgust.

Sand?


	12. Knights & Nightmares

The six Knights of Ren practiced under the supervision of their master. Ren watched closely, monitoring their progress, sensing any weakness and adjusted the hologram scenario to focus on their individual weak spots. This holotech was typically used to train and reprogram the Stormtroopers, but with some adjustments he had found it most effective on the Knights.

As former students of Luke Skywalker they were all skilled with the force. The night Luke had betrayed Ben Solo the Knights had joined him and together they decimated the Jedi training temple.

Quillon Ren had always been strong with both sides of the force, but once the temple burned he and the others had slaughtered those who would not join them. That evening marked their transition to the dark side. From that night on Quillon had proved himself a powerful dark side user and his power grew with each day.

Kylo had given everything to the dark side. He was the master of the Knights of Ren. He had slaughtered countless. He had trained under Snoke. He had killed Han Solo. Why then was he the one with a constant infuriating pull to the light?

"Supreme Leader."

Ren turned to facing the younger man. Helmet removed Quillon's short red hair was a bright contrast to his ebony armor.

"You and the others will lead the search for the rebels and their leadership." He paused for a moment, "If you find the girl bring her to me."

Quillon gave a sharp but respectful nod. "Yes sir."

Death.

Darkness.

Emptiness.

Visions swirled in his mind unclear but frightening. Images of his father showing him how to fly the Falcon and then suddenly a lightsaber illuminating his dying body. My son is alive.

Then his mother Leia screaming in agony, from what he did not know, but try as he might he could not find her. Ben!

Rey's broken voice echoed in the background. Please don't go this way.

Ren woke with a start. Heart pounding against his chest. Beads of sweat slid slowly down his face. He was used to unpleasant dreams but this had been different. Was the force giving him these visions for a reason? Or was it merely his minds way of torturing him?

Deciding on the later and not wishing to repeat the process Ren got up and stopped suddenly seeing a figure across from him.

He almost did not recognize her with her hair down. Rey was asleep. Curled up into a small ball on his floor. He studied her trying to pick up any detail to her whereabouts.

Nothing.

Searching her mind was useless. The last time he had tried to reach into her mind through the force bond nothing had happened. Nothing good had come of this bond. Only pain and suffering.

They both felt abandoned. Alone. Scarred even. They both needed the other to turn. When he had offered himself to her she had rejected him and he resented her for it.

Why?

Why couldn't she understand?

He needed her to rebuild. He could not do it alone. He did not want to.

Alone.

Empty.

But not with her.


	13. Loss

Weeks of planning and searching had brought them to this moment. Quillon and the Knights of Ren had found the rebels on Yavin 4 in an abandoned rebel base. It dated back to the age of the Empire. The base had not been used since the destruction of the Death Star and was practically in ruins.

Kylo Ren exited the command shuttle. The planet consisted of thick vegetation and forests. Sounds of blaster fire filled the air and he sensed both his mother and Rey. Striding past the storm troopers he reached out and searched for Rey.

There.

He moved deeper into the forest the sound of blaster fire echoing around him. Tie Fighters and rebel light craft engaged in aerial combat. The Knights of Ren were already on the ground fighting the rebels and had already eliminated some of the Rebellion leaders.

Rey was the Supreme Leader's only concern. She was valuable to him alive. She had information that was crucial to wiping out the Rebellion once and for all. Extinguishing all remaining hope throughout the galaxy.

Ren stopped abruptly.

Rey looked back at him, her new blue lightsaber ignited, but she did not advance. "Ben." She spoke under her breath not for him to hear.

"No." Kylo Ren walked toward her, his light saber clicking with anticipation. Calling to memory their last physical encounter he urged the anger to rise within him.

He had trusted her. Opened up to her. Had been more vulnerable with her than anyone else. Then she left. Left him alone. But for all that, he did not want to fight her. "Why didn't you kill me?"

"What?" She was visibly shocked by his question.

"You woke up before me. On the ship. You could have killed me but you didn't. Why?!"

Rey was having trouble finding the words to answer him. She started to speak and then stopped multiple times before she finally spoke aloud. "Because I didn't want to!" She yelled at him tears in her eyes. "I don't want to kill you Ben. I don't want to fight you."

His name and her words were like daggers.

"Go."

"No come with me, Ben. Please come with me." There was that desperate look in her eyes again. The same one from the throne room.

"I said go!" He screamed. Anger, hurt, and pain flooding through his body. "Now!"

Rey thought of staying but knew not to push him. It would not help pull him to the light. Deactivating her saber she turned and ran off to the rebel base to help the remaining rebels escape.

Kylo Ren stood there. Saber at his side.

Suddenly, he lashed out. Cutting, slashing, destroying everything in sight. Trees fell to ground around him. He had given into weakness. Rey. Compassion. Weakness. Worthless. Useless. He could have taken her. Killed her. The rebels would have been all but extinct after that.

And he did nothing.

Damn her.

Looking up he saw the rebel transports shoot yo into the sky. Few of their small order would be left on the ground. He moved quickly back to the command shuttle.

In the star destroyer Kylo Ren made his way through the long halls. General Hux was in the bridge commanding the fighters that had been sent out to take care of the rebel ships. He could still feel them. Rey and Leia. Something knotted itself in his stomach a feeling he was unaccustomed to.

Finally, he entered his private chambers. He needed to collect his thoughts before joining the others on the bridge. He felt a pull.

No. Not now.

Another pull.

Worry suddenly washed over him. He felt it. Rey's anxiety grew engulfing him. Ren looked around for her but did not see her, only sensed and felt her emotion.

Suddenly the air was taken from his lungs like he had been shot. The force erupted into an earth shattering tremble nearly knocking him to his knees. Using the wall for support Ren tried to steady himself and failed.

On his knees he gasped for breath. Panic setting in. He reached out with his feelings. Searching desperately for his mother. Nothing.

No, no, no!

He could not see for the tears that filled his eyes blinded him. She was gone. They were all gone now. His family.

His breathing quickened. Finally able to stand he took his lightsaber and took his pain out on everything in sight. Screams of obscenities and rage filled outcries filled the chamber along with the screeching sound of lightsaber blade against metal walls. Finally, rage subsiding, he stood quietly wiping the wetness from his face.

This should have been a victory, he should feel strengthened not beaten down and ever more vulnerable. More alone than ever. Ben Solo was alone. Rey was alone.

Amongst his outcries Ben had failed to notice the appearance of Rey behind him.

Rey had watched his outburst silently as she too grieved Leia, her mentor. Rising slowly from her seat on the Falcon, she took a step towards him. She sensed it. His turmoil. He felt lost and alone.

Hearing her move, he turned sharply and met her eyes. They were swollen from grief and a tear still lingered on her cheek. He could not speak. He did not have the words.

"She lov-" Rey began but was swiftly cut off.

"I know." It was all he could say anymore and he would lose it again.


	14. Evidence

General Hux looked at the small chip curiously. This small seemingly insignificant thing held the answers to all of his questions. When Kylo Ren had insisted that the girl had singlehandedly murdered Supreme Leader Snoke, his guards, and defeated Kylo Ren in battle something in his gut told him that it was a lie.

A non-force sensitive like himself would never be able to over power someone as powerful and skilled in the force as Kylo Ren. No. He needed proof. Proof he could show his commanding officers to fully suede them to help him take down their new 'supreme leader'. Once he had convinced them he would need the help of the Knights of Ren as well. Maybe with their allegiance and combined power they could take him out.

Hux did not know how but he had a sneaking suspicion that Ren was in contact with the girl from Jakku. Perhaps there were ways of using the force to communicate? He would not know. No one would share the secrets of the force with someone who could not sense the mighty power.

Slipping the chip into the hologram device he watched in amazement. A sly grin curled at the edges of his lips. Yes. This was exactly what he needed.

It was the beginning of the end for their so called leader.


	15. Forgiveness?

She just stared at him. Saying nothing. Doing nothing but staring up at him. Ben Solo was broken. Shattered into a million pieces. His father was gone, by his own doing, and now his mother was dead. The weight of their loss was heavy on his shoulders, because of his actions he had no family.

And for what? What did he gain from their deaths? Nothing but loneliness. An emptiness that overwhelmed him.

Everyone that had ever claimed to love him or care about him had betrayed him and then died by him. Han Solo by his own saber. Luke Skywalker had projected himself across lightyears of space to face him only to die by the energy it took. Leia, his mother, had foolishly still loved her son despite his actions and she died fleeing his army!

If everyone would just stop. Let him burn. Let him go. The pain would cease and he would finally be free. Something within him, a small voice, corrected this thought.

I will never be free from this pain.

His actions, his choices would haunt him for as long as he lived.

"Ben?" A soft voice spoke.

Looking to his left he looked her up and down taking her all in. He did not want to answer her. To the name he did not deserve, but he could not stop himself. "What do you want?" It was harsher than he intended but his eyes remained soft. That he could not help. The tears he had shed prevented anything else.

Rey remained calm. He could tell that she too had been grieving. The thought occurred to him that she may have seen Leia as a mother she never had. One that did not see her as tradable goods.

"Leia," She started, voice soft and smooth. "She wanted-"

His mothers name was like a blaster being fired into his chest, the pain and guilt unbearable. "She what? She believed that her son was savable? Worth redemption and forgiveness?" He stood pacing furiously. "I am not worth saving. I am not worth all of this." He waves a hand at her.

"All of what?" Rey raised her voice slightly, agitated.

"This belief that she had. That you have." He stopped and looked into her eyes, his flashing. "This good that you see, is not there!"

"It's not?" She took a step toward him. "When we touched I saw it. It's there if you'd only accept it."

"What is there to accept, Rey?"

"The forgiveness you've been offered. By your father. By me."

Daggers twisted in his chest. How could he begin to even accept forgiveness? Even if he did what would he do? Leave and go to the rebels? Rey may be willing to accept him but he doubted anyone else shared her sentiments.

"I can't." The words were stuck in his throat as he forced them out. "I can't just leave."

Rey closed the gap between them and looked straight up at him. He looked down at her but did not move away. She sensed the turmoil within him. So much pain and sorrow. She wanted to touch his face and comfort him but she knew she couldn't. Not yet at least.

"Surely The Supreme Leader could go wherever he chooses?" That comment got her a strange look. One she had not seen cross his face before was it amusement? Frustration?

"Even if I wanted to leave it's not that simple." He paused, "It would not end with that. They would come after me. Destroy everything."

"They are already destroying it all." Rey argued. "Maybe we would have a better chance of stopping them together?"

Damn her and her sentiment.

Rey annoyed him more than General Hux on a bad day. With her caring nature, stubbornness, and insistence on forgiveness. If he accepted her forgiveness he could never forgive himself. Before he could say anything the chamber door opened abruptly revealing General Hux backed by the Knights of Ren and several elite Stormtroopers.


	16. Forced

Uneasiness crept into the pit that was forming in his stomach. This would not be one of General Hux's normal disturbances. Quillon stood just behind the shorter red headed man, yellow eyes locked on Kylo Ren.

Rey was surprisingly still beside him, invisible to everyone else, their connections were rarely this long. She watched him, he knew she could sense something was wrong but she could not see it. He was on his own.

"What's the meaning of this?" Ren asked flatly, unamused by the predicament he found himself in. Could he take them on all at once?

A satisfied look crossed over Hux's features, a small menacing grin on his lips. "I always disliked you, but I never thought you'd be the sheep to cross your master." He paused taking a few steps towards Kylo. "Or that you'd stoop so low as to consort with our enemies."

Ren looked down at Hux calculating his next move. How did he know? Ren did not quite have a response for this. Rey looked up at him able to only hear the conversation, she seemed to be panicking. Wanting to help him but unable to do so.

You can't save me.

He pushed the thought at her hoping she'd sense it and leave it be. Besides, he could take care of himself. Maybe.

She glared at him for a moment. "What are you going to do talk yourself out of this situation? Fight your way out? It never worked for your father."

Ren kept his eyes on Hux, who was Still monologuing. The Knights of Ren had begun to surround him. Weapons drawn.

"Since when do you take orders from him?" Now fixing his eyes and attention on Quillon.

"He has not betrayed the Order." Quillon's yellow eyes flashed with hatred at Kylo. "You lead us here. You made us stronger. Now you want to destroy all we have worked for."

"I've destroyed nothing!"

Quillon chuckled angrily. "You have not given yourself fully to the dark side. You are weak!"

At this Kylo's temper erupted. Activating his lightsaber, red beams crackling furiously, Ren prepared to fight. A grin lit Quillon's face. With one motion all six of the Knights lifted their hands towards Kylo summoning the force to immobilize him.

General Hux grinned wickedly. "You're mine now."

All he could force himself to move were his eyes. He searched for Rey but she was gone. Again.

"Ben."

The voice was muffled like it was underwater. He recoiled when he had attempted to open his eyes. Thinking was painful. Moving was to be in agony. What happened? Where was he? Who was talking?

"Ben!" It pleaded desperately.

Rey? Why now?

A moan escaped his lips, it was the only sound he could make at the moment. His throat was rough and corse.

"I'd...rather not...do this...now." His voice was raspy and deep.

Suddenly, he felt a hand under his arm. "You have to move. Quickly now."

She was here? How? Ren blinked letting his eyes adjust. Sure enough there she stood, hair braided back messily, wraps tied to her arms, and her grey robes tied tightly to her body.

Damn it.

Why was she always launching herself towards him in the worst of times? Finding his feet and regaining his balance he leaned on her for support. Rey waved a hand at the door forcing it to open. Two Elite Troopers lay unconscious on either side of the entrance.

Dodging patrols they made their way to an escape craft, Kylo slowly regained his ability to walk with stability. Memory of what had transpired flooding into his mind. Rey sat him down in the pod and quickly hit the controls. The pod launched forward, rocketing through space.

To his surprise they were not in the cold space for very long. A ship pulled them towards it and into its own small hanger.

He looked at Rey, she was calm now. Almost relieved and yet a small crease of worry furrowed her brow.

Once the pod was settled into the hanger the ship jumped into lightspeed away from the First Order.

He watched as Rey opened the door, glancing over at him. "Do you trust me?"

"Do I have a choice?"

Rey shook her head and stepped out of the pod. He could hear her being greeted by multiple voices then all went quiet.

He shifted is weight and looked toward the door. Whomever she was talking to had obviously not been aware as to why she had left. The silence that followed their conversation was filled with tension.

Ren sensed three others on the ship.

Fantastic.

He groaned inwardly. The bloody Millennium Falcon, of course. Suddenly his prior predicament was preferable to his current one.

Rey peeked through the door and nodded reassuringly. Ren used the side of the pod for balance and walked as steady as he could to the door and stepped onto the Falcon.

He was met with FN2187 and the Pilot he had tortured, Poe Dameron if he remembered correctly.

Yes unconsciousness and on the brink of death is preferable to this.


	17. Awkward Situations

What does one say to the people you previously abused? Apologies were useless and Ren was not sure if he could even apologize with any sincerity. Besides FN2187 and Dameron would easily do to him what he had done to them, he felt it.

FN2187 shifted his weight uncomfortably looking at Rey, eyes wide and full of disgust. "Why did you bring him here?"

Now that is a good question.

"He was in trouble and needed help. So I helped him." Rey shrugged blowing off the ex-stormtrooper's concern.

"Help?" FN2187 raised his voice then lowered it again. "Are you trying to get us all killed?!"

"Wait. Time out." Poe interrupted lifting a hand towards Rey and Finn. "He." He point a finger at Kylo not taking his eyes off Rey. "The leader of the First Order needs help?"

"He tried to kill us multiple times, almost split me in two, and tortured Poe!" FN2187 was livid. "He murdered Han in front of us, Rey, it was at his command that Leia was killed. We can't trust him."

Kylo shot them a deadly glare, he had half a mind to choke them both, but did not on account of Rey's presence. "I did not kill my mother."

Ren took a step towards the pilot and Poe met him by closing the gap. "You know what you're right. You didn't kill Leia because she ceased to be your mother when you betrayed everyone and abandoned her!"

"Stop it!" Rey slid between the men. "We need to help each other. We can't do that if you keep bickering!" Poe turned and walked away rubbing a hand through his hair in frustration.

"Just get us to Ach-To."

The two men left abruptly as Rey grabbed Kylo's arm and helped him to the couch that curved around a table he knew all to well. He hated this ship. Everything about this flying piece of junk made him sick. The walls. The memories. The people. The situation. All of it.

Rey had retrieved a med-kit and was back at his side, but he shook his head. "Leave me."

"Ben, let me help you."

"I don't need your help."

"Fine."

Ren stood gingerly and made his way to one of the chambers on the ship that had space to rest.

What does she want with me?

If change is what she wanted, she would be disappointed. It was too late for him to change what he had done and become over the years.

Ach-To was a cold rouged island. He never imagined that he would stand on the place that had haunted his dreams for so long. The island that they had shared together in visions, the island where Rey had confided in him her findings. Perhaps he would find something here to help him fulfill his plans and destroy his enemies. To bring order to the galaxy. To make Rey turn.

"Oh my gosh."

Kylo Ren looked over his shoulder seeing what had made the exclamation. The short human had her black hair pulled back messily, FN2187 appeared behind her and shot him a glare.

"Finn! I didn't believe you when you said he...he was here but look at him!"

"Rose." Finn pulled her to the side and they continued their conversation in hushed tones.

I wouldn't believe I was here either.

Picking a path Kylo set off to see what he would discover. He soon found himself among several stone huts that were ancient in age. One of the huts was set higher than the others the door was at first appearance similar to the others but on closer inspection Ren discovered it was a panel from an X-Wing.

This must be Skywalker's.

Opening the crude door he stepped into the small hut. A stone bed was built into the wall as were several shelves. Ren was not sure what he expected to find but this was not what he thought he'd find.

He examined the robes that were carefully folded and placed neatly where they belonged. Everything seemed to have a place. On the shelf closest to him he saw a unique compass, other ancient looking artifacts, then looking up slightly he saw it. The necklace Luke had worn almost every day hung from a hook embedded in the wall. The necklace served to keep track of the ancient sith kyber crystal that dangled from the end of the cord.

Suddenly, he was reminded of his own kyber crystal. How it had changed and morphed like he had. How it bled so violently he was forced to find a solution to vent the saber enough so it would not explode. How it had burned him. How many times he had used it for both the light and the dark.

Where was it?

He could not remember. Had Quillon taken it? Maybe Rey had it hidden away somewhere? Ren shook his head slightly, frustrated by it all.

I'm sure I'll find it soon enough. Or...it'll find me.


	18. Ash & Smoke

Ash. The ancient Jedi library was a mere pile of ash and charred wood. She did not understand why would Master Luke do this? Rey closed her eyes thinking, searching, letting her mind wander. Light and dark swirled through her minds eye. She could feel both sides of the island, of the force, pulling at her.

Then there was Ben, she sensed him, felt his emotions. Conflict between the dark and the light, turmoil billowing within him, grief, loneliness it was all there. Except stronger now that he was on the same planet, on the same island.

Their bond had changed her in ways she could not explain. She felt every emotion he had but it was more than that she reacted to them. She had become more impulsive more reckless. She should not have gone to him in the first place on the supremacy, it had backfired on her, maybe if she had waited had given him more time he would have turned.

But she had not waited. She was tired of waiting.

Then again yesterday she had ran after him when she knew he was in trouble. If she had just left him...

Rey clenched her fists. No. It did not matter if she had not gone to him. They were still connected and they had bigger problems now besides their own conflict with each other.

I need help.

Darkness engulfed him. There was nothing and yet everything around him. He sensed it. He felt...all of it. The weight so unbearable he fell to his knees. Unfamiliar voices clouded his head swirling in an almost indistinguishable chorus.

"It's over." Suddenly dark fiery imagery encompassed him that if an volcanic planet.

"I have the high ground."

An angry growl came from somewhere behind him but he could only make out dark figures where ever he turned.

"You underestimate my power!"

"Don't try it."

Suddenly searing pain and the smell of burning flesh hit him hard knocking the wind

out of his lungs. Kylo covered his ears trying to block out the screaming voices but they seemed to get through no matter what he did.

"I hate you!"

"You were my brother Anakin! I loved you!"

Anger. Hate. Sorrow. Pain. Conflict.

"I'm not the Jedi I should be."

Silence took over giving him a moment of peace. Opening his eyes he uncovered his ears and stood slowly, hands shaking in shock. The place was still undefined but something was familiar. Then a figure slowly approached light following her. Her. Rey. Kylo found himself drawn to her and a smile escaped his lips. He met her half way.

Before he could say anything everything went dark and Rey laid at his feet blood pooling around him. His surroundings stained with red blood.

"Make it stop!" He screamed pain filling ever fiber of his being burning him from the inside out. "I want to be free of it. All of it."

Kylo jumped wide awake heart pounding. His whole body shook, trembling. He had fallen asleep in the stone bed. The Sith kyber crystal was still in his hand. What had he seen? Who belonged to those voices? He wiped his face with his free hand and began to calm himself. Slowing his heart and breathing down.

Her blood...it's all on my hands.

He looked down at his black gloved hands a sinking pit formed in his stomach. Before he could think of anything else he jumped to his feet and called to a lightsaber that was light years away as a transparent being began to form in front of him.


	19. Shadows of The Past

A blue luminesce illuminated the small hut and slowly took form before his eyes. He felt defenseless without his saber. Within moments the figure appeared clearly, he was dressed in black Jedi Knight robes, his brown hair came almost to his shoulders. As he studied his face he noticed that the man had a scar by his right eye. Something about him was familiar and yet he had never seen this Jedi before.

The robed figured looked Kylo Ren up and down for a moment as if he was examining an opponent. A slight grin curled on his lips, "It seems like you've broken one light saber and lost the other."

Without hesitation Ren raised his hand and attempted to use the force against the stranger but nothing happened, frustrated he glared at the Jedi. "Who are you?"

"That isn't important right now."

Frustration taking over Kylo took a few steps towards the man, but the stranger was not intimidated and did not move. "What do you want?" He growled.

"For you to let go."

You're still holding on let go!

His own words to Rey echoed through his mind urging a swell of emotion within him. He had let go. He had killed his past. He shook his head glaring at the man in front of him. "I have let go, I have given everything up."

"No. You have not." The stranger's voice lowered as if he was thinking about something within himself, "You still hold onto your guilt. Your past. Let go."

Kylo rushed at the man but his fist went through the figure. Turning around the stranger looked at Kylo shaking his head and let out a long sigh. "There is conflict within you Ben. Let go of your hate and guilt and you will find balance. You will be free of this turmoil."

"I am not Ben." Kylo spat.

"It is the name of your true self. You'll see."

Anger swelled within him, he wanted to strike the stranger down. Who was he to tell him who he was and what he should do? What did he know of his inner conflict?

As if he knew his thoughts the stranger looked away then back again at Kylo. "I am Anakin Skywalker." Anakin met his grandson's eyes, "You know me as the Sith Lord Darth Vader."

What?

Ren blinked, processing what Anakin had just said. If he was Vader why hadn't Luke told him? Why hadn't his mother told him? Why had they hid his family's past from him?

"If you are truly Vader then show me the power of the Dark Side once again. Make me strong enough."

Anakin smirked. "No. That was not me. I would never lead you down the same path I chose."

"Then who-"

Snoke.

His blood boiled. More lies. More deceit. How many times had he been lied to? How long had he believed them? Everyone had lied to him, used him for their own gain, and everyone had abandoned him. Except Rey, for now.

"Let go, Ben." With those last words Anakin vanished just as quickly as he had appeared.

I can't.

Rey sat cross-legged on the large stone that over looked the ocean that surrounded the island. Eyes closed. Breathing deeply. Letting herself open up to the force, feeling everything around her. The island was perfectly balanced and it made it whole. Except there was one thing that she sensed that was imbalanced: Ben. She felt the turmoil within him. It was like a dark storm that swirls constantly around and within him. Thundering and billowing constantly. Flashes of light that cut through the darkness. So much internal pain and guilt. How could one person live with so much on their shoulders?

Something else was with Ben. Someone else she did not recognize. Their energy was strong, stronger than anything she had ever felt before. Rey focused in on the stranger. He was neither light nor dark he was somewhere in the middle, this stranger was equal in both. He was one with the force. Suddenly the stranger vanished from her senses. Rey jumped out of her meditative state and gasped for air. Standing she turned and made her way down the stairs of the temple. She needed to see what had happened.


	20. Darkness

The small stone hut that Luke had used for so many years was empty when Rey finally made it down from the temple. Where she had once sensed Ben and another strong force user was emptiness. Had she been imagining it all? No the force had pointed her in the right direction.

Where are they?

Taking a deep breath she reached out with the force searching for anything. Poe, Finn, and Rose were in the village by the beach with the caretakers. Not what she was looking for. She reached further letting her mind relax fully. Light. Darkness. Wildlife. The ocean. Ben, but no one else, just Ben.

Sighing she brought herself back and opened her eyes. Ben was making his way to the dark side of the island. A pit formed at the bottom of her stomach. What was he doing over there? It bothered her more than she cared to admit. He had come with her, he had stayed, Not that he had a choice. Was the light growing in him or was he waiting until he recovered to...

No.

She was not going to let herself spiral into dismay. Ben was here, he was alive and he still had light in him she felt it. She just had to be patient, something she had years of practice in.

I can wait. I'm good at waiting for people.

Ren moved quickly letting his feet find their own path as his mind raced. After Anakin had disappeared he had made sure to leave the damned dwelling. What did he know of his life? He did not know him and Ren did not know this Anakin. The stranger had claimed to be Darth Vader!

Liar.

Something within him silently corrected his thoughts. Anakin had spoken only truth. A truth that was hard to swallow. How was he supposed to let go? So many lives cut short by his hand, men, women, children, entire villages all dead. Fathers, mothers, daughters, sons, siblings, grandparents all lost. How could he let go of all of his sins and expect forgiveness from those who still lived?

Suddenly he stopped, a massive circular break in the ground was in front of him. Black seaweed like foliage wove around itself and lined the edge of the gaping hole. Whispers wormed their way into his ears but he could not make out what they said. He felt an unusual urge to walk forward, curiosity engulfing him.

Within moments he found himself being sucked down into the darkness crashing into a watery grave filled with skeletons of unknown sea creatures some bigger than the Falcon. Ren pushed up and grasped the edge of the pool gasping for air. Pulling himself up he stared at the ebony glass in front of him. Reaching his hand out he touched the surface, un-phased by the darkness that echoed throughout the cave.

The walls of the cave melted away into nothingness. Kylo looked around him but found nothing but emptiness. He was alone. The silence was deafening. Picking a direction he ran as fast as he could searching for something anything.

After what seemed like eternity Kylo came to a sliding stop and screamed in frustration. Heart pounding against his chest he turned around looking once again for something, someone, but he was alone. He fell to his knees panic setting in and taking over his mind. Always alone. Always abandoned. Always betrayed.

"See you around kid." Blinking Ren looked up at his father, the emptiness that had once surrounded him was replaced by the Millennium Falcon's cockpit.

A younger version of himself passed through Kylo and hugged his father. "I know how to fly now dad! Let me come with you please, please, please!"

Han returned his young son's embrace and grinned, "Not yet kid. You're not quit tall enough to reach all of the controls."

"Awwwwww." Young Ben Solo looked down disappointed, "Okay."

I never meant to hurt you...

Kylo Ren swallowed hard the empty pit growing within him. Everything melted away once again replacing it with the Jedi Temple his uncle had built.

Standing he walked through the long halls. The temple had taken Luke years to build and repair and the end result had been magnificent. In the distance Ren saw the group of young padawans with specialized sticks doing their best to mimic their Master's movements. Young Ben tripped and fell forward into one of the other boys, the other students laughed at him. Embarrassed the little Solo ran down the hall Luke following close behind. Ren remembered that being the first time he had ever tried the exercise and how Luke had spent the next few hours encouraging him and showing him how to master the sequence. The next day he was the best in the group.

Why did you betray me...

Tears began to well in the corners of his eyes emotion getting the best of him. Everything faded once more and transformed into his room on Coruscant when it had just been him and his mother. Leia tucked her son into bed kissing him on the forehead.

"Goodnight my pilot."

As she reached the door Ben sat up and asked quietly, "When will father come home?"

The look that covered Leia's face was clearly pained but she still attempted a brave face. "Soon love, soon. Goodnight."

No. He will never come back.

Kylo's breathing quickened, his heart was in his throat now, choking on emotions that were once easily usher aside cake cascading through. Tears fell tracing lines down his face.

"I came for answers!" He screamed into the abyss. "Not torture!"

The darkness swirled in response images appeared and disappeared just as fast around him.

"Fear of loss leads to the dark side."

"What have I done?"

"You were the chosen one!"

"Ben wait! No!"

The only images that came clearly now were those of death. Screams echoed through the space piercing his ears. The faces of those he had killed, tortured, murdered surrounded him. Blaster fire and sounds of his saber were accompanied by blood curdling screams, begging, pleading, and yells of defiance.

Kylo closed his eyes tightly and covered his ears trying to block it all out. It was too much. He could not hear it anymore. The guilt was overwhelming. He had killed them all! He had killed his father who taught him so much, caused the death of his caring mother, and Luke...he had never forgiven him never gave him a chance to explain and had reacted instead despite Luke's words. Killed his fellow padawans. Turned the others to the empty darkness. It was all his fault.

One more voice echoed through the overwhelming swirl of darkness.

"Your past can ruin your future if you allow it."


End file.
